Can a slave be a sub?

An interesting post by MsScarletUK points out:

So a slave may or may not be a sub. A sub may or may not be in a relationship as a slave



Her post shed some light on my relationship with Maggie.

I wondered why Maggie didn’t care if I subbed to her. There are times when she does some of the chores. Of course, she’ll say “I like to have it done my way,” or “I can do it better”, etc.  but on the whole, we have a vanilla relationship when it comes to the mundane things. Scarlet also wrote:

someone cannot be a slave if they are not in a relationship

our relationship started when Maggie said:

“I want you to be my sex-slave” to which I agreed. By this she means that she plans and directs our sexual activity. Slavery is the basis of our relationship at least with the intimacy and sex.

She is also trying to expand the range to include pain. Maggie also hopes to make me her pain-slave but I have a long way to go as she sees it.


On the other hand, she sees many clients who sub to her for the service of their fetishes. She told me none of them have ever wanted to be her slave, including guys she has sex with.

MsScarlet also makes the point:

true submissives are only at peace and content when things are happening to them they truly do not want to happen to them. It is only then they feel truly dominated. So they must NOT CONSENT to what is happening in order to be at peace


I guess this is so. A lot of what Maggie and I do does not have my consent. In fact, we have not discussed things like limits, safewords or contracts. She just tells me what she wants and I go along with it. The thrill of Maggie dominating me this way is nothing compared to the sex we have. Consent is not an issue when we’re both doing what we both want.

Readers wonder why I kneel before her at times (like when we have meals together at her place, or when we’re just hanging out, etc.) It is not out of some “femdom” code. It’s just my way of being affectionate with her, of telling her I’m willing to play with her if she’s interested. She does similar thing like pulling my hair, slapping me, pointing to the floor, etc. We have a repertoire of moves that say when we want to do sex our way.

You readers should check MsScarlets’ blog from time to time. Although the way she treats her partner is not the way we do things, she does have many witty observations and commentary about the #bdsm scene.



3 thoughts on “Can a slave be a sub?

  1. MsScarlet makes some valid intellectual distinctions about #bdsm terms that refer to contradictory concepts. Sometimes one has to abandon the strictures of bdsm and particularly #femdom and follow your instincts. Fortunately people like you and Magg have figured out how to make a go of things that work for you. Good luck!


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